"Elegance"

"Elegance"

by Jeffrey Marquis
November 2005

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As the alarm of the Bose Wave Radio cues an ambient mix, Lexus is roused from her dreams of natural tanning on a Florida beach with Italian sport cars passing and Stoli cocktails awaiting her return home; on this the beginning of the work week, a Monday at now precisely 7:15 A.M. Lexus scrunches her face, verifying an overnight facial mask, as she stretches her body and yawns. Her skin feels tight from the Alpha-hydroxy mask, absorbing oil and exfoliating dead skin cells with the anticipation of dual-zone tanning bulbs. She picks her eye sockets, fingering out the sebum—the crusty turd—nestled against her thick eye lashes after a full night's sleep.

The music continues playing as she walks into the bathroom preparing for a shower. Living alone, she's only wearing thong underwear, being proud of her respectable body as it is. She turns the knob and inspects the munitions:

Gillette Venus Vibrance Razor

Aveeno Positively Smooth Shaving Gel

SKN beverly hills Face Wash

Kiehl's Liquid Body Cleanser

Vitabath Gelée Bar Soap

Get Fresh Spa Sugar Scrub

"And we begin," Lexus says aloud as she slips off the thong underwear and steps into the shower. As you've seen from her arsenal, she calls it, her beauty and cosmetic attractiveness has been fine tuned to an art. And a professional art no less. She works at organic:cosmetic, an elite beauty store on the city's affluent strip where confident and respected women may fine-tune their natural beauty. She enjoys the complexity of beauty: the toners, moisturizers and waxes, the tanning lotions; it takes dedication to perfect oneself.

Our looker feels saucy as she sets the water slightly warmer than usual for a jump start in her day. You spicy girl! Lexus rubs her hands down her legs, feeling the awful hairs, as she steps into the shower with the water now running warm enough for her presence. She fluffs up the loufa with the Keihl's wash and scrubs her skin just hard enough, removing the superfluous dead skin cells—nudging the greasy sebaceous glands—and giving her flesh a youthful appearance. Body hair disgusts her; she takes pleasure in primping the devil hair shafts out of her life. She once sugar waxed, seeing the evil hairs' removal, but now, satisfied with a razor, she regrets having wasted hours of her time—time when she could have been at the health club.

And then it strikes her, she must schedule a painful—but necessary, simply required—waxing appointment for her soon-to-be-thin eyebrows. She leans into the mirror of the L Karma Shower Shelfing System for a close look at the growing eyebrow stumps and infinitesimal upper lip hair. You see, she's very uncomfortable with any-hair any-where, like on her upper lip, and she then decides to tack on a Facial Bleach Therapy Treatment after the eyebrow appointment. Hair follicles make her sick! Lexus entertains electrolysis as an option; the ingrown hairs in her sensitive area are no fun. She's looked into laser hair removal with a belief that body hair signifies inadequate beauty practices—or in her own words, "It means you're dirty."

One more task in this luxurious shower: shaving her filthy armpits—or as Lexus would say, "A woman's shame." She reaches for the ceiling, exposing her un-beauty, and she sniffs—like a yucky jock boy—to see if she's been sweating and stinking . . . nope, this girl is clean! It doesn't change the fact, her body must be free of rough stubble. But first she grabs the Vitabath Gelée soap and swishes it in her armpit. Gross! But you can't put a price on beauty. She grabs the MAC shower shaving crème, foams it into her palms, and then pads it onto her needy armpits. Eww! Lexus used to go without the crème, as many girls do, but her body needs something more so that razor burn won't ruin her day.

With her skin polished and smooth, she picks up a bottle of philosophy Cure shampoo and squirts loose shit into her palm. She massages the milk-based formula into her healthy hair and breathes in the gardenia aroma as she puckers her shoulders. How refreshing. She sways her head as the shower takes away the shampoo; time for conditioner: Keratase Nutritive Lait Vital Proteine conditioner; comes by way of mail-order when needed.

Lexus steps out of the shower and dries her body with a pastel Horchow Missoni towel. She then wraps her hair with a no-name white one and proceeds to cloak her body with a Perfume-Pink Janet Bond Ballerina bathrobe. With her skin dry, she applies dots of Yves Rocher Body Crème to her palms and works the botanical (and hypoallergenic) oils into her nutrient-craving hands and legs. Those sexy smooth legs need the vitamins after such intense abrasion, and the rest of her body requires the anti-oxidants for upcoming tanning salon—fake bake, skin cancer—visits. She fluffs her hair with the plain white towel as she thinks of her mother saying, "Beauty is only skin deep, hun."

The work has just begun; what to wear? A wonderful selection of pastels and neons, lavenders and turquoise, all wearing, themselves, the brand-name tags of today's finest designers, voicing that Lexus is financially stable. But first her stomach rumbles, "Oh you." She's busy enough with beauty! Lexus breathes in, breathes out, breathes in, breaths out, calming her nerves, and she proceeds to prepare the standard breakfast—toast. She's made room for a Cynthia Steffe collection by minimizing breakfast to plain bread and butter, how ingenious. She must balance a fashion complexity and its funding somehow , why not with diet?

Speaking of diet, her days of purging into the bathroom toilet are behind her, having picked up a thing or two with nutrition. You see Lexus is free to jumpstart her body with carbohydrate loaded toast because her body has just seen an overnight ketosis. "Ke-to-sis," she says aloud being proud of her nutrition knowledge. Just as she tells her customers at the organic beauty store, "Appearance is everything." This time last year, Lexus weighed in at a frail 105 lbs., but she's now sporting a healthy 127 L-B's, largely carved up as muscle. Our nutritionist spreads a miniscule amount of butter substitute on the golden toast as she salivates. But what to drink? She retrieves the standard glass of water—low calorie and filling.

Her stomach calmed it's back to the complex wardrobe task facing her. She chooses the basics; long-sleeve shirt and skirt; appropriate for this time of year. A Charles Tyrwhitt Deep Fuschia v-neck cries out to her, "Not only do I accentuate your curves, but I fit the spring climate and mesh wonderfully with that skirt." She thumbs to the BCBG charcoal material, "Anything goes with neutrals, silly."

Oh but the antiperspirant! Lexus becomes uncomfortable when she sweats—more than some—and she's only comfortable with the extra protection of antiperspirants. Some girls steer clear of the aluminum-containing deodorants, but our li'l girl can't afford that potential embarrassment at the fashionable job. She remembers talking with a friend, "It's not like my tits are going to rot off with cancer oozing out of my nipples." And there will be a cure soon, so what's the worry? She takes the smudgy cap off of the (fragrance-free) Almay ClearGel and rubs the B-O fighter over her now-smooth armpits. Satisfied with the spread, she picks two tissues from a pink box on the counter and dabs them under her arms so that none of the residue dirties her v-neck. And she gets dressed with confidence. She turns back to the bureau for a fragrance selection; the task of choosing which scent she'll be remains. Lexus has a hippie friend who makes a fragrance from Saffron (the most expensive spice in the world) that fits—"just fits"—it just fits her personality and somehow says a lot about her. If you were a spice, you'd be this one. She picks up a tiny pepper-blue flint glass bottle and gives it a gentle sprits over the top of her left breast. And then on her chest bone. And then on her right breast. And then the left side of her neck. And then the right side of her neck. She inhales the sweet scent. Perfect.

Lexus presses the heat button of her Soft Spike curler set upon entrance to the bathroom. She looks at her non-puffy face in the mirror and thinks, "You're having a good day." But her hair doesn't think so! She looks over the hair products, bobby pins and scrunchies and endpapers, all for the lovely ringlets she crafts. First she combs out some snaggles from the shower and then she rolls her soon-to-look-plush hair in many sections. That's all for now, while those hot curlers do their work.

Now to accessorize herself. Our damsel's jewelry collection is more so a biography; each piece of jewelry has its own story:

White Gold Celtic Claddagh Ring: Lexus went on a yucky camping trip with her ex-lover, Joseph, where he bought her this cheap little trinket. He didn't think anything of it—just tossed money at her to get some action—but this ring is somehow representative of their long-lost love, and she likes to think that it will keep her safe in life. She wears it most days but doesn't acknowledge the significance.
Sterling Silver "Believe" Pendant: Our jewelry aficionado bought this one for herself—a little self-indulgence can't hurt a girl. Lexus feels that she only needs to "BELIEVE" that she's on her way to see greatness; that her upbringing of divorce, heartaches and pain is only pushing her to success. She b-e-l-i-e-v-e's that she's on her way, and no matter how distasteful her dating life is it's all part of a larger plan that needs her faith. They say "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger," and our fighter keeps this optimistic mentality ticking in the back of her head.
Cape Cod Two Tone Bracelet: Again Joseph comes into the picture; he'd purchased this "promise band" for our Lexus, and she finds it habitually embracing her wrist. She likes to think there's no real emotional attachment, but the bracelet would tell you otherwise. The bracelet would tell you, "Lexus here is uncomfortable being single and only hugs me onto her wrist so she can portray an impression of being cared for." The bracelet would tell you, "She isn't satisfied with herself and needs the acceptance of others to feel complete." The bracelet says, "She has a storm of difficulty in her head questioning, 'And this is the best you can do?'" And the bracelet would lastly tell you, "Lexus who hates herself is fueled by her shortcomings and then releases anger through a perfectionist's attention to detail." When her friends ask her why she still wears Joseph's bracelet, she says that she just likes the way it looks, that it goes with each one of her outfit combinations. And her friends don't say anything.
14k Yellow Gold Peridot Drop Earrings: The small bead at the end of the chain signifies motion as it swing back and forth, and Lexus here thinks of the drops as happy tears. They stand for her desire to dance the pain away where the pumping speakers soothe her soul with a numbing sensation. She likes to think that they fun her up a little, and maybe they do, but her customers don't know what they really say.
Mini "Esperanza" Movado Watch: This fine timepiece was received as a gift from our beautician's parents, a reward for graduating La Femme School of Cosmetology. Lexus eyed the higher end pieces wearing diamonds, but she's now promised herself that no helping hands will aid in the procurement of the next (and more luxurious) timepiece. She likes to think that the Swiss quartz movement represents her fluid transgression through life.

"The jewelry looks good, okay. Black stockings, yes, and to accompany the graphite Nordstrom flats. Not too heavy on the makeup." This Madonna plans her appearance to the T as she adjusts her bra. Crest Simply White is spread on the Oral B Triumph Professional toothbrush to preserve her perfect smile, and she scrapes greasy ear wax from the auditory canals, now running on schedule. She once worked at a "white trash store for festering animals feeding off of their own filth," at K-Mart, but Lexus now has the luxury of working with customers who are worthy of her graces, people who care enough to hold up their appearance through natural beauty care. People who shop at organic:cosmetic.

Makeup:

Our cosmetic whiz lifts a light concealer from her bathroom carriage and dots it below her eyes. She also blips those few pesky trouble areas that do cause her so much pain inside.
She picks up the Almay SPF15 foundation that matches her skin tone exactly. Perfect equivalent, and not only does the natural finish prevent shine but it also shields her precious basal cells from the sun's harmful rays. She dots it over the central areas of her face and then spreads it with a makeup sponge.
Lexus picks up her Lancome Dual Finish Versatile powder—she swears by it!—and dusts the glamorous accessory over the foundation and concealer.
She makes a kissy face and giggles at her appearance in the mirror. Silly her! Our princess uses a powdered eyebrow shadow instead of pencil because she finds that it looks more natural. This halfway beautiful woman lifts her eyebrows as high as possible, notices some disheartening wrinkles on her forehead and proceeds to brush over her eyebrows.
Lexus takes out two eye shadows: light and dark. She traces flowing lines over her upper lid with the dark and pleasingly spreads highlights just below her brow. She holds the brush just as Leonardo held his paint brush. There's something very artistic about the way she applies her face.
She lifts an Amphigory cake eyeliner with a damp, thin liner pencil and outlines her lower lid just below those sexy lashes.
Our now-beauty applies two thin coats (appropriate for the business setting) of mascara to her beautiful face.
Lexus smiles, content with what she's created as she applies her lips. She traces her kissable chattels with a liner.

Now the curlers, she unravels the dozen rolls from her lively hair. Talk about body! The Light Strawberry Blonde hair bounces with curls as it's flossed through her fingers. Lexus believes that flat hair is for those with flat personalities, so why wouldn't she spend a little time on this self-improvement? Her hair shines bright as the curlers are returned to their wands, and this freedom of the follicles calls for a light spritz of Frizz-Out with a thorough brushing to smooth the few scraggles. With her hair now spread to a favorable form, she lifts the Oudad hairspray up high and presses her finger several times, spraying the holding-ingredients (with amino acids) over this sexy hairstyle.

Lexus walks back to her bedroom counter with thoughts of blue sky and open fields and all the country smells that go along with it. You see, this is the city where she lives, and she must mask the awful stink of the rotting trash, lethal smog, and dirty terrorist persons. Her perfume collection brightens the disheartening reality through its sweet aroma.

Look at yourself. You're beautiful! She imagines herself having applied cosmetic wonder with dreams of one day stepping out the front door and into paparazzi. No pictures please! Our mademoiselle stays hypnotized viewing her face from different angles and smiling at the flawless reflection. She even practices her smile, trying to decide which facial expression most honestly says, "I'm happy."

Lexus glances at the Movado embracing her wrist, checking both the time of day and cleanliness of the face. She wipes it over the BCBG skirt as her day embarks its journey, and she then smiles like everything is right in the world as she brushes the silky hair with her fingers. Her face appears perfect as this modern woman flags a taxi, while her lacy Victoria's Secret Claret Red thong stretches taut, chafing her petite asshole. "And I do this in heels, damn I make this look good."

The Fendi FS Italy sunglasses have slouched on her nose, revealing a lackadaisical fashion imprecision, and Lexus then adjusts them with her signature perfectionism shining bright. A piss-yellow cab pulls up to the dirty curb with its tailpipe farting exhaust. Lexus looks at the poor minority driver, and sighs, "What I endure to become beautiful. . ."